Donna's choice
by Addicted2greatness
Summary: The Doctor is alone yet again on the Tardis, ever travel feels empty but he puts on a brave face. In reality, he feels lonely again but while he's fixing the Tardis on one of his travels he finds a diary that belonged to Donna. Finding this is bittersweet to him because he misses her but he doesn't want to invade her privacy more than he already has done. He opens it starts reading
1. Chapter 1 The Mysterious Diary

Donna's Choice

There are certain moments in your life when you're being pulled in two very different directions, your heart is telling you to go in one direction and your brain is telling you to go the other. Why do we trust our hearts and not our intellect? When it fails are mind is there telling us," I told you so? For me I wanted to do the right thing, or maybe for once I just wanted to do something worth wild. Or maybe we were just two lonely souls who out of a miracle found each other. He had nothing, no family, friends or love but I had all of that and I still felt alone. I was empty and maybe the reason for that was because my family treated me like a stranger, "my friends" treated me like a joke and the man i love, really wasn't in love with me. So, yeah. We were both lonely but making the best out of what we had. I don't know about him but I was numb and it seemed like life always slipped by me and everyone is so quick to point a finger and laugh at me. My whole life I've been called stupid, useless, a mistake, not special, ugly, fat, untalented and a waste of a human being. I never had anyone and people never needed or depended on me before but they were so quick to pick on me, step all over me and use me. Then he came in my life and my world turned upside down. For the first time in my life I felt special and worth something, he looked right through me and he smiled… even though the whole time I had been yelling at him and calling him names. He smiled and waved before he left, did he see past the facade and want to be friends or did he just not care. So, I didn't care either and I did all that I could to save him… I me- I meant help him. It felt like he needed saving, in a way he was just like me… he was lonely and he needed someone to lean on and I was going to be there for him the way that no one was there for me. I was going to help him in anyway that I could, If he needed someone to lean on I was gonna be there, If he wanted to cry I would hold him while he cried. If he was ever in pain, i would try to soothe his pain and wipe away his tear. I would make him laugh and reminiscence like I was there. I would be his best friend but one thing was for sure, I would always! Put him in his place.

So, there I was standing in the middle of chaos. I was scared out of my mind and looking for a safe place to hide. Then I watched him do the same and then he got up to stop the monster from hurting anyone. As stubborn and annoying he might be at time, he is my best friend. He's always making sacrifices in spite of himself and that's why he's so sad because he had to leave everyone behind. I saw it in his eyes, the heartache and the pain every time he has to let someone go. We had just met and I already knew him so well and that's why when he ran, I ran with him and I kept following him until I couldn't anymore. It was a choice, one single choice

I was about to run after him when my mom asked me who you were, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know which answer to give her that she would understand. I just ran to you because I wanted to help you figure this out.

The doctor, that's all you told and that's all I knew. You were a doctor who was also an alien and you had a weird spaceship. That looked like a police box but was bigger on the inside and it was a spaceship!

So, you're always going to find yourself being pulled in two different direction. Right and wrong, following your heart and being smart and sometimes those things are in opposite directions. Sometimes doing the right thing means doing something very dangerous and stupid to perform a good deed.

I never regretted my choice

I never look back and say that I should have chosen the other way, I always look back and say that I'm glad that I did that.I'm glad that I was able to help. I'm glad that I actually did something right for once, something that actually impacted someone in a positive way. He always made me feel special, smart and I felt like I was a big impact in his life.

So yes I ran to my soon to be best friends aid and I never left it

I'm glad I knew you

My heart pulled me in your direction and my legs moved, my head reassured me that this was what I needed to do but a small voice told me to be careful.

You are my only family, besides my grandad

My only best friend

My soulmate and the only person I trust, you are

The doctor and my only choice. Not in that way of course, I don't fancy you. You just mean so much to me, much more than the planed, the universe and the stars combined.


	2. Chapter 2 A Shared Suffering

First Entry

It's my first-time traveling with the doctor and it is Brilliant! He said we were on an alien planet. My heart was pounding and it felt like I would never regain my breath, he smiled at me and said " I can always take you back home" he pointed to the Tardis doors but I didn't want to go home, why would I want to live my life stuck in one place. I told him that I was just freaking out and then he told me he gets excited every time he travels too. He did look excited, we both were and we both were ready to explore the world. Well, I better go he's waiting for me outside the Tardis and I'm supposed to be getting a coat.

See you later

Wow! What an adventure, I never had so much fun in my life. Well, the truth is I've never been anywhere in my life and I don't have any friends to go with. I spend holidays with my mom and grandfather all the time, the entire time we're together all she does is criticize me and tell me how much of a disappointment I was. Do you honestly think that I don't already know that, I've been told that my whole life… by her and everyone, I come across. Everyone… but the doctor, his never told me I was a disappointment, idiot, dumb, slow, a waste of time and energy, he never wished I was never born or that he could trade me in for an upgrade. My mother once told me that she wanted a daughter who was smart, beautiful, responsible, had a great job and wasn't me. That hurt so much that day, she said it without remorse and she never came and sat in my room to apologize. She instead said that she meant every word, I wanted to run but where could I run to, I wanted to cry but she would only mock me, I would scream but she would only tell me to shut up and I couldn't afford a place to live. In the past, whenever I would sit under the stars with my grandfather I was happy and it was the only thing that kept me from going insane. But now I have the doctor, someone who tells me I'm brilliant, clever, kind, nice and so many other wonderful things. He's the only good thing in my life, besides grandad but still, I'm happy that I have him in my life. Of course, I would never tell him that because he'll just get a big head about it, he would never let me live that down. He'll get a big grin on his face and just mock me.

Right, seems like I've gotten sidetracked. Haven't I? Anyway, today was marvelous aside from almost being killed by odd's (that's some sort of Alien) possessed by some disturbance. oh, I don't know, when the doctor talks about science stuff all I hear is blah, blah, blah, weird alien science stuff! and humans who tried to stop us from helping the odd's. Watching them be shot down, massacred by humans… I couldn't bear it and I was going to leave but how could I ever leave his side. Leave him alone, again… I know what it feels like to be surrounded by people and still feel so alone. That's what it feels like back home, I feel so empty, sad, depressed and alone but with the doctor… I'm happier than I've ever been.

Well ok, let me be honest… I've never felt happy before, sure I paint on a smile and pretend to be happy… I was never Happy even when Lance told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. Even though I loved him, I wasn't happy and look how that turned out? Lance broke my heart, he used me, lied to me and he broke my heart. He broke my heart far more than it was already broken. my

My father died, the only other person who was ever on my team. He told me that marrying him was a mistake. He told me that I should get a place, travel, live my life but I never took his advice and now he's gone.

Seems like everybody who loves me, everybody I care about….

Leaves me or dies

The doctor looked up from Donna's Diary, a tear slowly rolled down the Doctor's eye and fell upon the page. Like the first raindrop that falls from the sky. Those last words stuck in his head, he remembers those same exact words because he said them before. He knew Donna's mom was cruel(ok, many times he called her a bitch in his mind but never said it. But she was, she was so cruel, cold and unremorseful when it came to her daughter's feelings. He never understood why she never saw what he did or felt the way he did towards her. She was so sweet, her eagerness to help and go places. making him laugh when he wanted to break down, made him strong when he felt so weak, told him to stand up! When he was falling down. She always knew the right thing to say and the wrong thing to say, she made him better. Did the mom even try with her or did she just give up a long time ago, he mostly just ignored her when they crossed paths? She didn't deserve an explanation, she didn't deserve to talk to, to be acknowledged or even mentioned. If she couldn't see what Donna was worth then she wasn't worth his time or energy, it always made him mad the way he saw her mom talk to her. That's right, he called her the mom… something she never acted like since he met her. It always gave him a chill down his spine of how angry he mad her, he was filled with disgust for even having to interact with such a person. Her granddad was the only one of her caretakers that he liked, he understood how special she was and told her every day.

Something she knew they shared,

Loneliness

He had to stop reading right there, what would she say if she saw him reading her diary. He smirks as he thought of her catching him reading her diary and giving him an earful. He would love that right now, to be told off by her. To have her march right in the Tardis, slap him, snatch the diary out of his hands and give him a lecture about privacy. He would give anything to see her again, to talk to her, hear her voice but he would never again

The last thing he wanted to do was say goodbye to Donna but now he found himself doing it again as he paid his last respects at her funeral.


End file.
